Shortly after relocating to Darien, Conn., to join Young Life staff in the New York Metropolitan Region, I began to realize this is a place like no other. A picturesque suburb of New York City, Darien is a dynamic community of driven, high-achieving professionals with a close-knit, small-town feel. During morning and evening weekday hours, the train stations buzz with commuters making their way to and from Manhattan offices. The family-centered spirit of the community is evident on the weekends as the local beaches, athletic fields and luncheonettes are filled by residents enjoying recreational time.
Darien Young Life has maintained for more than 40 years with a proud legacy of pioneers and leaders. Having been raised in the lineage of Young Life leadership in Ohio, I was confident of my training and leadership skills upon my transition to the Northeast. Since beginning on staff in 2006, I have learned to adapt the basic tools of Young Life to serve a unique cultural context different from those in which I had experience, in order to build and grow a Young Life program.
According to a recent edition of the Darien High School Principal’s Newsletter, “Our students are expected to excel academically, in competitions, on standardized tests, at getting into excellent colleges and in nearly all that they do. This is not a typical public high school atmosphere.” The $75 million high school campus boasts countless championship banners in its gymnasium and trophy cases, and an athletic department that fields 59 athletic teams, on which more than 70 percent of the high school student body participates. Talented, high-achieving students tend to define the high school atmosphere and, in many ways, the high school is the pride and focal point of the community.
Kids in Darien gain excellent conditioning and tremendous opportunities to excel in high school and beyond. They strive for success among an intensely competitive environment. However, amidst immense pressure to achieve expectations, be admitted to prestigious universities and gain prized scholarships, students appear to be on a treadmill of performance continually seeking their next accomplishment. Throughout this process, kids seem to miss the opportunity to be kids. Though parents and administrators maintain the absolute best intentions for their children and students, it is common for teens to feel stressed out and overwhelmed. On the other hand, this presents incredible opportunities for Young Life leaders to supplement the family structure by providing caring adult role models to help teens navigate adolescence, with the simple goal of building sincere, personal friendships.
Young Life Vice President Mac McNally and Regional Trainer Joe Paolella provided tremendous leadership and support as I navigated relocation, transitioned from undergraduate to professional and from volunteer Young Life leader to full-time staff. Mac, in particular, believed in me and showed his commitment to my success in Young Life by commissioning me to re-ignite this critical Young Life area. He has encouraged me to modify the methods of Young Life to serve the local context and to strategically build a Young Life program from within the community. Under this model of visionary leadership, I began to consider questions such as, “How do you relationally impact kids who have no time?” and, “In starting a new ministry, can or should Young Life club compete with existing schedules?” In response, I am incorporating Young Life and incarnational ministry into the high school culture, through a language they so passionately speak: leadership and success.
As I was gaining the lay of the land during my first semester, I visited the high school athletic department seeking a coaching position with the hockey team. After discussing my previous playing and officiating experience with the athletic director and coaching staff, they were excited to introduce me to the team as a new assistant coach! It was powerful and humbling to be welcomed into such a tight community, and a great privilege to join the coaching staff of an elite powerhouse in Connecticut high school hockey.
The opportunity to serve as a hockey coach has fostered many new friendships with student-athletes and established my credibility among both the student body as well as families throughout the community. Coaching in Darien is a door as well as a window into the town; to establish a presence and earn the right to be heard and gain an up-close and personal look at kids’ lives; their raw character, desire for affirmation and search for identity. Coaching has also provided the unique venue to go above and beyond the expectations of a coach, to continue the investment in the players off the ice.
One Friday night before the hockey season, I hosted 21 boys from the Varsity and JV hockey teams for a “Team Dinner.” The boys enjoyed hors d'oeuvres, gourmet pasta dinner and a variety of desserts around the conference room table in my Young Life office. After dinner we moved to the adjoining club room (set up to resemble a chill basement with couches and bean bags) where I facilitated a conversation themed, “Building Strong Teams: Leadership That Outlasts Itself.”
The discussion began organically when Jameson, a senior captain, initiated the question, “What is one characteristic that you think a true leader must have?” One at a time, each player responded with honest thoughts, the consensus being: a leader makes everyone around them better, considers others more important than themselves and values those under their influence.
Contrary to the competitive style of communication in the locker room, this conversation was respectful and sincere within a controlled atmosphere which I had strategically created. The discussion naturally evolved to other topics ranging from “stresses” such as SATs, early-admission applications and difficulties with living up to their own expectations of success. Several of the freshmen remained quiet at first, but I found opportunities to welcome and encourage their voice, often not their experience during their “rookie” season.
The feedback was overwhelmingly positive and both the players and parents spoke highly of the venue and content. Mike, a co-captain reflected as he left that night, “Thanks for doing all this for us, Coach. I didn’t know what to expect. You said it would be good but it was great. Let’s do it again.” Jameson’s father, who I see often at his local restaurant said, “I greatly support what you’re doing with these boys. Thank you for investing in my sons.”
Since the night of the team dinner, a buzz has grown from among the players in regards to spending quality time together outside of the team schedule. It has become something special and players look forward to the adventure. It maintains my goal when I am with them to establish a safe atmosphere where they can be honest and real, share thoughts without fear of criticism and feel valued. We now meet consistently at local sports grilles and even my house to eat and watch games; but what’s most enjoyable, is the opportunity to lead discussions about life, faith, leadership and character, which I ultimately hope serves to equip and empower them to lead influential lives of significance.
I have experienced many blessings in my work with this group of young men including favor with the administration and athletic department and increased opportunity to influence the student body. I’ve also been able to leverage other venues which serve to instill team-building ideals with faith-based foundations including a recent “road trip” on which I took several players to hear Indianapolis Colts Head Coach Tony Dungy speak about diversity, character and team leadership. A great reward is when players and parents understand my investment isn’t limited to practice and games, but rather a lifelong commitment to an authentic friendship.
I am enjoying the process of being stretched and grown as I relearn the application of Young Life’s core principles and proven methods to serve kids in Darien. I have learned to specialize in youth culture, by humbly studying their language and character. My training and experiences have taught me how to maintain the principles of Young Life leadership while adapting the methods to reflect and serve a highly unique culture.
I am grateful for the amazing leaders who have invested in me over the years, who loved me unconditionally and modeled servant leadership. It is a blessing to now be part of the New York Metropolitan Region, who is passionately and creatively reaching kids in and around New York City.
It’s exciting to envision the potential for influence by this group of student-athletes. They see themselves as athletes, teammates, friends and students. Their futures promise roles as executives, investors, attorneys, musicians, teachers, coaches, husbands and fathers, and it is a humbling privilege to make an impact in their lives.
Andy Ward serves as the director of Darien/Rowayton Young Life in Fairfield County, Conn., part of Young Life’s New York Metropolitan Region. He can be reached at ward@online.younglife.org.